Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: Blog, homesick
Another student is homesick.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Depression, homesick
Dear Wry,
Im an exchange student in my second month of a year long exchange in Sweden.
i googled homesickness and look at this, a the second link site about homesickness for exchange students, and you even write about the 3 month slump, where you settle back into what seems to be inevitable, repetitive an boring day to day life. you nailed it with – “the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.”
I actively hate my host parents, but luckily, because im with rotary ill switch in 4 months to a reallylovely host family. but for now im stuck with these people i hate, a mother who i think is kind on some levels but is rude, tactless, and controlling, and a father who creeps me out, and it super annoying. Ive realized that highschool is highschool everywhere, and the people are still 16-18 year olds, my town is small, people here are super shy and its hard to make friends, esp with the language boundary. Even if were easy, is super difficult too find people who really interests me.
but going home is not an option, and i know i need to stick it out, and it will improve, it has for everyone else and i am a social creature so i know i will make friends, but for now im incredibly lonely and im startíng to feel homesick. and i know that ill need to keep active to keep it at bay, but my school offers no clubs or extracurricular activities.i guess i dont really have a straight question you could answer im just pretty desperate for something to make me feel less like how i feel right now.
Rose
Dear Rose,
if you ‘actively hate’ your host family, MOVE NOW. Tell your Rotary counselor. If you don’t get help from him/her, tell your Rotary counselor back in the states. Rotary has very strict rules in place. If your host father gives you the creeps, that’s a huge sign it’s time to get out. This is YOUR year, ½ of it shouldn’t be with people who make you miserable. This is unacceptable in a Rotary program.
Are other exchange students near you? Are any former exchange students around? Does your Rotary program have meetings, language lessons, or trips available to you? It’s normal for European schools not to have extracurriculars, but is there a nearby gym you can join? Are there any sports clubs? If your town is small, can you take public transportation to a different town to explore? What do students in your school do for fun? Find one kid a day, and try to talk to him or her. They’re probably intimidated by you.
I added you to my MSN Messenger list, if you use it, we can chat later. Keep in touch.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: Advice, homesick
Dear Wry,
Hi, im 17 Im in France on exchange at the moment, and im feeling really homesick! Ive been here six months already without any major problems, but now, with my return to school, and change of host families, Ive become really low, physically and mentally. I changed classes at school, and talked to my host family to help me, but nothing seems to make me feel better. I feel like going home, but I know that if i do Ill regret it for the reqt of my life. Can you help me? i feel like Ive tried everything!
Katie in France
Dear Katie,
STAY! You can do this. You’re over halfway through your year. Are you getting bored? Have you travelled? Can you go visit other exchange students you’ve met? You didn’t mention your counselor in your letter. Is s/he helpful and concerned? You didn’t mention friends in your letter. Do you have a few close friends to talk to and hug? You’re on a mid-year exchange, they’re tougher. Are you with a new class of younger students at school now? Can you find something to do to challenge your mind at school-helping a teacher or younger students? How is your new host family? Are you comfortable with them? Have you already graduated back home, and your friends are going off to college? Maybe you feel left behind. Can you volunteer to help someone else? It would take your mind off of yourself. Can you find a job a few hours a day? You need to do some type of physical activity, if you exhaust your body, you’ll sleep better at night. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say to help you from so far away. I can point out possible problems, and suggest solutions. Most of all, I can offer virtual hugs, and chats by MSN Messenger.
*Actual reader letter. Please remember I’m not a professional, and I don’t play one on tv. I’m just a caring, experienced volunteer.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
How is your student doing? If you are a FES abroad, how are you? Is life good?
Physical Self-Are the headaches going away? Are you getting enough sleep, but not too much? Has your stomach adjusted to the food? How is your weight-stable, or are you gaining/losing weight? Are you getting enough exercise?
Mental Self-Can you help yourself when you’re lonely, bored, sad, or homesick? Are your language and comprehension skills improving? If you take medication regularly, do you remember to take it? Do you have someone to talk to? Do you feel strong and confident?
Emotional Self-Are you crying for no reason? Do you get frustrated and feel like you just can’t think? Are you slowly distancing yourself from ‘home’ to your new home? Are you enjoying yourself?
If you need help, ask for it NOW. Don’t wait. It’s much easier to fix a small problem now than a big mess later. “Things will get better” isn’t always true. People want to help you. We all know this is one year-your year. You aren’t alone.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: bored, Culture Shock, Depression, homesick
From last year: Is your student homesick, depressed, or bored? The students have been in their new countries, including the US, for 6-7 weeks now. They are over the initial culture shock, and they are able to communicate in their new languages. They should feel comfortable within their host families, and have new friends. Everything should be wonderful. This is supposed to be “The Best Year of Their Lives” But sometimes, it’s not.
It’s the second wave of culture shock. Their lives have become routine. What the students are doing now is what they’ll be doing for the next 8-11 months. The realization that they are living in a family with rules, the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.
Solution? Keep them busy! The kids should have all sorts of activities going on. They should be playing some type of sports, or getting exercise of some type daily. The students should join clubs-Drama, Language, 4-H, Scouts, Chess, Swim team, etc. Most of the kids should not come home from school and stay all night. (Sparky, P, and Cle were all content to stay home often, but they were happy. They weren’t homesick or bored. Husband and I also didn’t expect them to be our little friends and stay to keep us company. Some host families want to keep the students all to themselves. That’s not healthy for anyone.) They are exchange students to learn the culture of their country. Let them visit with another exchange student, or invite one overnight. The student should see his counselor regularly. The exchange program should have activities at least once a month for the kids. The host family should plan activities with the student; they don’t have to be expensive-go for a hike, go fishing, or yard sale shopping. Take the student to a football or volleyball game, and permit (shove) them to sit with friends and go out with the others after the game. Take the student to help volunteer-She can coach younger kids, he can visit senior citizens. Anything to take their minds off of themselves.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, hosting | Tags: Depression, FES, holidays, homesick
It’s time for another bout of homesickness…. sadness…. blahs…. pissyness…don’t feel quite like yourself-itis. It’s homesickness or culture shock again. This is typically the final bout of homesickness. (Culture shock will return as reverse culture shock.)
There are many reasons for this round of misery; for some of you, the days are growing shorter, and you may be experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) From the Mayo Clinic: You may find yourself eating more or sleeping more when the temperature drops and darkness falls earlier. While those are common and normal reactions to the changing seasons, people with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) experience a much more serious reaction when summer shifts to fall and on to winter. With seasonal affective disorder, fall’s short days and long nights may trigger feelings of depression, lethargy, fatigue and other problems. Don’t brush this off as simply a case of the “winter blues” that you have to tough out on your own. Seasonal affective disorder is a type of depression, and it can severely impair your daily life.
Symptoms include:
- Depression
- Hopelessness
- Anxiety
- Loss of energy
- Social withdrawal
- Oversleeping
- Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
- Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
- Weight gain
- Difficulty concentrating and processing information
Other reasons:
- Prom and graduation time in South America. The students here in the US have to miss these important rites of passage, and the students in the Southern Hemisphere may be sad to miss their Prom and graduation with their friends in the Spring.
- It’s The Holidays! No matter how much you hate turkey and going to your grandparents for Thanksgiving, it’s your tradition. You will miss it. Familiar rituals bring comfort. You are missing the food, decorations, shopping, dances, etc that you grew up with. You will be affected.
- Are you bored? Nothing is new anymore, it’s starting to feel like just another day of school, sleep, repeat. Can you start a new hobby or take classes? Join a dance or martial arts studio?
- How’s the host family? Do you get along with them? Do you love them? Would you be better off if you moved?
Just hold on until after New Year’s. The year starts going so fast after the holidays, and you shouldn’t have anymore bouts of homesickness. You should start identifying with your new country, and it gets much, much easier. The advice is the same-don’t drink too much, and keep busy. If you need to move, tell your counselor. If you can’t get your coordinator or counselor to help you, have your parents contact the US branch. Or look up their website, and email them. Threaten to tell everyone you know that they are not helping you. Take care of yourself.
Filed under: Culture, Depression, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, bored, Culture, Depression, FES, homesick
The students have been in their new countries, including the US, for 6-7 weeks now. They are over the initial culture shock, and they are able to communicate in their new languages. They should feel comfortable within their host families, and have new friends. Everything should be wonderful. This is supposed to be “The Best Year of Their Lives” But sometimes, it’s not.
It’s the second wave of culture shock. Their lives have become routine. What the students are doing now is what they’ll be doing for the next 8-11 months. The realization that they are living in a family with rules, the family sometimes annoys them, school is boring, and their lives are almost what it would be if they didn’t go on exchange. Except they’d be back home with their friends, families, and pets.
Solution? Keep them busy! The kids should have all sorts of activities going on. They should be playing some type of sports, or getting exercise of some type daily. The students should join clubs-Drama, Language, 4-H, Scouts, Chess, Swim team, etc. Most of the kids should not come home from school and stay all night. (Sparky, P, and Cle were all content to stay home often, but they were happy. They weren’t homesick or bored. Husband and I also didn’t expect them to be our little friends and stay to keep us company. Some host families want to keep the students all to themselves. That’s not healthy for anyone.) They are exchange students to learn the culture of their country. Let them visit with another exchange student, or invite one overnight. The student should see his counselor regularly. The exchange program should have activities at least once a month for the kids. The host family should plan activities with the student; they don’t have to be expensive-go for a hike, go fishing, or yard sale shopping. Take the student to a football or volleyball game, and permit (shove) them to sit with friends and go out with the others after the game. Take the student to help volunteer-She can coach younger kids, he can visit senior citizens. Anything to take their minds off of themselves.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, Blog, Culture, Depression, FES, homesick
Jenny, please comment again, so I can save your email address. I’ll be happy to chat with you on MSN messenger. I’ll give you English speaking people I know in Santiago for you to talk with. Chileans are very warm and loving. Do you have a good host family? Are you keeping busy? I know it’s hard to be away from home, but if you go back home before Christmas, you’ll regret it for a long, long time. Try to last until Summer break. The weather is cold and rainy, and that doesn’t help your depression or culture shock. Do you have any happy moments? How much Spanish do you speak and understand? Try to get through each day. Remember that you really aren’t missing much at home. Your family and friends will still be here waiting for you. They’re cheering you on from up here. Exchange students are special people. You’re doing something that not many people can do. Be proud of yourself. A definition of bravery is being afraid, and going forward anyway. I do want to help you.
Filed under: Depression, Exchange Students, hosting | Tags: Advice, Culture, Depression, FES, homesick, hosting
What do you do when your FES is so homesick, he or she wants to return home?
- Gather information. Why is FES on exchange? Was is his decision, or did his parents force him? Does he have a serious girlfriend back home? Do his parents support his exchange, or does his mom want him back home? Is anyone important to him seriously ill?
- Find someone who speaks the same language. The best person to talk to FES is an emigrant from her own country. The second best would be a former exchange student who was in her country. It really helps to have someone who understand’s your child’s culture available for assistance.
- Is your student physically healthy? We’ve had students lie about their health. We host and sponsor students with depression; but some parents ‘doctor shop’ so their child appears healthy. We have hosted students with depression who came without their medication and tried to hide it. We have also had students with anorexia and severe nightmares that weren’t listed on their applications.
- Ask why FES is homesick? Does she miss her dog? the food? her friends? her normal routine? Is she missing a festival or large celebration? Has she ever been away from home before? Husband and I hosted a student who had never spent a night away from home without his parents-he never even stayed with a neighbor or grandparent! I have no idea what he and his parents were thinking. He lasted 3 months, and returned to The Netherlands.
- Keep FES busy. Body- To get the endorphins moving, to tire him out so he’ll sleep at night, and to counter potential weight gain. Mind-He might forget how miserable he is if he has fun. You don’t want FES to sit and brood. Keep ‘em occupied. I can’t stress enough the importance of keeping busy .
- Remind FES of why she’s an exchange student. What are her goals? Does she need to learn English to have a better career back home? A short-term sacrifice will mean an improved life for her and her family. If she can get through this year, or at least Christmas, she can do anything. Aim for Christmas, all year may just seem impossible at this point.
- Introduce FES to other exchange students. He should know he’s not the only one with these feelings. (Almost) Everyone else is lost, too. Some of the kids think everyone else is just fine, and they are weak for being sad. I want to shake them and say “You’re 17, in a foreign country, speaking a new language, eating new food, and you know no one. Of course you’re miserable!”
- Ensure FES is eating a balanced, healthy diet. Check to make sure FES is sleeping. Homesick kids sometimes sneak and chat online in the middle of the night.
Acknowledge that being an exchange student isn’t for everyone, and you may not be able to save the exchange. Try to get FES to stay for at least 10 days, then a little longer. The student should try to stay as long as possible. Too many students quit, then realize what a huge mistake they made by returning home.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students | Tags: Advice, Culture, Depression, FES, homesick
Short Answer-Keep busy!
Homesickness is part of culture shock. Teenagers have left everything they love behind to go halfway across the world. They are brave, but need our help. It’s difficult going to another country with a different language. Even if these students have studied the language for years, they will be suprised at the difficulty communicating. Expect them to have stress and require a lot of sleep for the first few weeks.
The student should find other students from his country or program to talk to. No one understands what it’s like to be an exchange student except another exchange student. There are many support groups on Facebook. The students can buy phonecards online at Nobelcom. Rebtel is a pain to set up, but it’s great once you get it working. Rebtel works with cellphones; you call a local number. I use both a lot.
Students also experience culture shock when they find they’ll be living in small town, USA instead of Miami, LA, or NYC. Many kids expect life to be like it is in movies or on MTV. We don’t have public transportation, pubs, or dance clubs for students. They have to find a new way to have fun. It just takes time.
I tell students to keep moving, don’t sit and think too much. It’s good to check email and chat a bit, but it’s not healthy to sit for hours in front of the computer. If she misses her dog, play with someone’s dog. If he misses his little brother, make friends with the neighbor’s toddler. Take the student to the grocery store and cook a familiar meal together. The students should join the band or a sports team for the comaraderie and endorphins.
I’ve known students to have a calendar where they count down days until they can return home. That’s the wrong attitude. They should concentrate on getting through each day, then till school starts, then Homecoming, then Thanksgiving, and finally Christmas/New Year’s Day. If the student can hang on until Christmas, they’ll finish out the year.
Help your student find something familiar. It may be food, music, clothing, sports, or a hobby. Try to keep the students moving. When students complete a year as an exchange student, they are confident. Nothing will ever be as difficult again. Tell them to focus on their future. They want to learn English, our culture, and this year will help their future immensely. The quicker they learn English, the faster they assimilate. Culture shock and homesickness are normal. Acknowledge the feelings, but don’t wallow in them.
Husband and I tell the students to repeat-”It’s not better, it’s not worse, it’s just different” as many times as needed. Sometimes they repeat it so often it becomes their mantra.
