Filed under: Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: country, FES, volunteer
I rock! I never say that, I usually bitch and moan. But today was a great day. I placed a student in his first choice country. Sounds like something I do several times a year, no big deal.
It was special for several reasons. “Fesland” is super popular, and they typically set their exchanges by January 1. Fesland isn’t one of my countries; I don’t know anything about the culture, and have no interest in ever visiting. Fesland is someone else’s responsibility. I respected the other volunteer, and trusted her for many years. She never told me she couldn’t get the kid in, but just assumed the student wouldn’t mind going to Feslandia instead of Fesland. It’s like if I couldn’t get someone into Mexico, but Canada is still North America, you don’t mind, do you?
This student is exceptionally well suited for Fesland. The exchange could’ve been set up in November. Something seemed ‘off’ to me. I stepped in to try to place FES. There are 35 separate programs in Fesland, and I contacted every.single.one. Today one agreed to host my FES. I let someone else tell the student.
Hardly anyone will ever know what I did, or how much work it was. Husband joked FES better not complain about anything next year. Hah. He’s a kid, there will be problems. But not today.
FES has been here for nine months, and is almost 19 years old.
Me: Wanna stop for ice cream?
FES: Sure!
Me: What would you like?
FES: A waffle cone.
Me: OK, what ice cream flavor?
~Crickets chirping~ and chirping…
Me: ???
FES: Chocolate.
Me: OK. (tells the counterperson because FES’s don’t talk to servers.) I give FES the cone from the server. (Because FES’s don’t take items from servers, either.)
FES: ???
Me: What’s wrong?
FES: It doesn’t look like the picture. 
Me: That’s because the picture is a different flavor. (White-house-vanilla with maraschino cherries.)
FES: Oh.
Maybe you had to be there. Husband and I just rolled our eyes. How could you think a chocolate cone is going to come out white and red? It was just the silliest thing. Just a typical evening with FES.
EDIT: The cone FES ate had more ice cream than the one pictured.
Well, of course they are people, Captain Obvious. Sometimes I feel that host families and counselors forget that the kids are individuals. They expect an exchange student, not a person.
I see it in stereotypes. Slovak girls are slutty exhibitionists, Slovak boys are nerdy and studious. French FES are arrogant. Brasilian girls are gorgeous, while the boys are immature. Japanese FES are shy. US girls are dumb, slutty cheerleaders, and the boys are dumb, horny football players. The students are typecast before anyone reads their applications or meets them. We try to get people to see it’s silly. We’ll ask counselors if the student they sponsored was a stereotype from ‘American Pie.’ They’ll say “Of course not! He’s Valedictorian, works 20 hours a week, volunteers at an animal shelter, and has a Brown deferment.” “So why do you think the other stereotype is valid then?”
It really bothers me when an individual student is effected. Someone was a counselor a few years ago for a girl from Feslandia. (I love my made-up country! I’m easily amused.) This year she wanted to be a hostmom of a girl from Feslandia. The first girl was smart, witty, pretty, popular, and arrived with great English skills. This year’s Feslandette wasn’t too English proficient, kinda dumpy, not too bright, and was scared to death to be away from home. The family didn’t change their expectations, and took it out on the girl. They wanted her sent home! They said she was a bad FES, the school had problems with her, she didn’t make friends, and no one in town wanted to host her. The poor girl didn’t understand why she was unwanted, she was trying so hard to be a good FES. She was moved to a different city, and is thriving. Her English is much improved, her new family adores her, and she has many friends.
All FES’s should know where their passport is at all times. I recommend the students keep it safely with them. For some students, that means locked safely in their luggage or kept in their sock drawer. For others, the host family keeps it with their important papers or in their safe. My program strongly recommends the students give their passport to their counselors. I am not comfortable with this suggestion. I would never give up my passport. I don’t ask my kids to hand over their passports to me.
Students should obtain a government issued ID card in their host country, both here and abroad. Their passports shouldn’t be used on a regular basis, but kept safely at home. All students should have color copies of their passport Visa page, ID page, and other travel documents. For students coming to the US, that includes the DS-2019. Students should leave one copy with their natural parents, and keep another set with them.
Telling FES to keep his passport safe isn’t the same as knowing the kid understands and obeys. One of my students didn’t take his passport out of his cargo pants pocket after returning from Canada. His hostmom washed it. I’ll check pockets, but would never think to check a leg pocket. I don’t think many hostmoms even check pockets at all, especially ones with other children in the family, it would take too long. The washed passport actually came through quite well. A few of the stamps were faded out, and FES was a little pissy, but it was his own fault.
Another FES packed all of her belongings to return to her country. Everything was in the car, the flight was in 4 hours, and she couldn’t find her passport! (Why on earth she left that for the absolute last thing before walking out of the house is beyond me. She was actually a very bright girl.) She called me. I checked online. These are the steps we took. 1-Call the airline. Cancel the flight. If she had just missed her flight, she would’ve lost the ticket. She didn’t have to rebook immediately, but it gave her breathing room. 2-Call home, and tell the parents. 3-Keep looking. She never found it. 4-Go online, and find out the requirements for passport replacement. Each country is different, and rules can change. FES never found her passport, and had to replace it. Her parents had to FEDx her birth certificate and other original papers from home. She had to go to her consulate in New York City in person with her school transcript, and her exchange student papers. Her return home was delayed for 2 weeks because of her carelessness.
We’ve dropped out of CSIET. (Council on Standards for International Educational Travel) CSIET is a nonprofit program that oversees exchange student programs. My program won’t be listed as an approved program next year. To me, CSIET is a seal of approval that we meet the standards of a well-run program. I’m not happy about it.
In this state, FES programs must be a member of CSIET for FESs to play varsity sports. The kids almost all play varsity sports in the Fall, it’s a fantastic way for them to make friends. Sports help our students get exercise, find friends, and give them something to do in the beginning.
Even better, we didn’t discuss the decision. A few of the older men made the decision, then told the rest of us at a meeting. It’s too late to do anything about it. They explained it would cost too much money and time in order to comply. I realize it’s a lot of work to compile all the information CSIET requests, but we’ve always thought it was very important for our students. No wonder we argue all the time, we don’t work together as a committee focused on the kids.
This decision will impact our future exchanges. We’ll lose some exchanges because the kids can’t play varsity sports. The argument that the kids can play JV or just practice isn’t strong.
Please see my previous CSIET post.
Filed under: Culture, Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds | Tags: color, Culture, FES
I read a horrible story today about a man sentenced to two years for driving wife to suicide over her dark skin. It reminded me of how many of my former South American and Asian exchange students prize pale complexions. The students grow up learning that ‘pale is best.’ They come here to the states for a year where boys tan for the prom, and students vie to see who can develop the darkest tan. Within a short period of time, the FESs join in, and are proud of their darker skin. They all compare arms to see who ‘wins.’
Then, they return home. Their friends laugh at them. Their moms are horrified. More than a few of the girls have been forced to take skin bleaching pills. I had heard of skin lightening/brightening/bleaching creams, but PILLS? ew! There are complete product lines, including soap and cosmetics.
This is from the website ‘Race and Gender‘ about why women want to lighten their skin. There are so many things at work here: an ancient idea that says that women with very pale skin are not laborers; that those with darker skin have native blood, and that those who are dark are low-class.
Read this New York Times article from last May about skin lightening products. It’s interesting for many reasons including Unilever selling lightening products. You know Unilever, they own Dove-the brand that uses ‘real women’ in their advertising. Hypocritical much? “Fair & Lovely” is for women, while “Fair & Handsome” is the men’s line.
I also recommend a blog post from Sapna Magazine online written by a Bangladeshi woman. Check out this Pakistani website for ‘Fair & Lovely.’
Filed under: Exchange Program, Exchange Students, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: FES, parents
Today was our Spring meeting with all the students and their parents. It wasn’t the way Wry the anal would’ve run it; several of the students and parents told me they didn’t receive information about the meeting. Of course, anal Wry sent an email reminder out to ‘my’ kids. I’m not certain how much to believe though; I asked my students if they shared particular country information with their parents. The kids all said ‘yes’, and the parents all looked lost. I just rolled my eyes, and passed out my business card to the parents. (I didn’t meet the parents at interviews since I was out of the country.)
My parents had great questions this year. They asked a lot of questions I’ve answered here on ‘Wry Exchange.’ They asked about traveling without chaperones, money, prejudice, safety, traveler’s checks, clothing, and host families. Many of the parents are planning to visit their child next Spring, and told me they wished they had this opportunity when they were young.
Husband found a country for the student, and that’s not an easy feat in April! Most exchange agreements are made in December/January or are long-term agreements. It’s not FES’s original language group, but it’s the same continent. Agatha tried to fib her way out of it. Husband kept calling her on each one. She seemed to think magic fairies were going to solve the problem and we were interfering. Husband and I were so stressed when we came home that we had a junkfood fest (after agreeing we weren’t hungry so we weren’t going to make dinner.) FES’s first country choice hasn’t responded to our final plea, there is still a small chance they’ll take pity on him. I doubt it, but strange is the norm in Feslandia.
I really like my new word ‘Feslandia’. I am so easily amused.
Oooh, do we have a humongous problem with our exchange program. We are all volunteers, and the more experienced members live and breathe for this program. We devote countless hours with joy to the kids and program. Some of our newer members, eh, not so much. I don’t know if they think it’s prestigious to be a part of this or what they are getting out of it. They don’t like us, and don’t seem to like the students.
The problem? Agatha didn’t do her job. She didn’t vet an application before sending it overseas. The problem should’ve been caught by the interview team, the outbound student chairman, and the country person. The application had a bad reference because the person didn’t quite understand what he was supposed to do. He rewrote a new reference as soon as he was told. The updated reference seems to have sat somewhere for 6 weeks. Next, Agatha has been unavailable for a few weeks, and didn’t tell anyone overseas she wasn’t going to be around. Not only did the kid with the ‘bad’ reference not get accepted, so did a second student because they won’t deal with our program. The other country ‘fired’ us! Their kids’ applications were returned to them because no one signed for them. So they aren’t sending us anyone, and we can’t send them anyone. It’s April. We’re fucked. Husband has been scrambling this week to try to fix things.
I hope we can report a happy ending soon.
Belgium is a small country famous for beer and chocolate. Former exchange students turned Husband on to eating chocolate while drinking beer. Don’t think Milky Way & Miller, think high-end dark chocolate with premium beer.
One of our former Belgians, Bella, returned for a visit in late Summer a few years ago. She’s one of Husband’s all-time favorites. She’s smart, funny, and beautiful, even with shorts and flipflops. She’s fluent in 5 languages, and will be a translator after her graduation. We took her out for dinner. For dessert, Bella wanted beer and a rich chocolate bombe. She ordered Budweiser. Husband and I thought ‘ewww’ but didn’t say anything. She had only a few sips, and a few bites. We asked her why she didn’t order a Belge beer, and she said she wanted to try an American beer, and that was the only one she recognized among the artisan beers. FES’ may grow older, but never up. They don’t ask for assistance.
After dinner, we went shoe shopping. Bella wanted tall black boots. She found several pairs to try. She loved the sluttiest black boots with the highest heel in the store. She loudly (and happily) exclaimed “I look like a whore!” With her accent, it sounded like HOO-errr. It was so cute. However, this woman’s head popped around the corner to see what our girl looked like with short shorts and hooker boots. She gave all three of us the ‘Death Look.’ We bought her the boots anyway. Isn’t that what pimps and madams do?
Googling ‘Belgian beer chocolate tasting’ will turn up many pairings, especially with all the gourmet chocolate that’s easily available now.
*There are three general categories of beers to pair with assorted chocolates-dark, fruity/spicy, and malty.
Dark beers, such as porters and stouts, are made from caramelized barley and toasted malts offering really deep earthy tones. They’re a perfect pairing with any chocolate, especially a caramel truffle, chocolate turtle with caramel and nuts or caramel-infused dark milk chocolate bar. These are Belgian-style ale beers that go great with nearly any chocolate because they are made from barley that is roasted until the nutty, cocoa chocolate tones start coming out.
The yeast the Belgiums use has a lot of underlying fruit tones, especially Trappist-style doubles, so you might pick up some chocolate, caramel, toast, dried fruit or clove spice. For a double wow, combine any berry-flavored truffle or chocolate bar with dried berries and amber ale.
Pale malty beers, such as American wheat beers and white ales, tend to pair beautifully with malt-flavor truffles, gourmet malt balls and chocolate and nut combinations. Be careful with pale ales produced in the Midwest because they are more hop-accentuated than others, the hops will add more citrus, bitter tones with some chocolates.
A word about black chocolate stouts — which are an excellent pairing with a chocolate dessert. Black chocolate stout is made with black chocolate and roasted malts (not chocolate candy), so it imparts powdered cocoa and creamy, dark, bittersweet chocolate flavors.
*From Mlive.com
Filed under: Exchange Students, Inbounds Inbounds, Outbounds Outbounds | Tags: FES, Inbounds, Outbounds
My program has about 40 students this year; half in the states, and half scattered across the world. (We are a true exchange program. FES goes out, FES comes in.) The students have been in their new countries approximately seven months now. Students choose when they want to return home. Anytime from May 1st to 364 days from when they entered their host country.
I want to give a general update without losing my anonymity so I won’t tell you if the FES’s are inbound or outbound students. The problems are typically the same all over the world. They’re kids, and this is an incredibly difficult stressful year.
Two students quit because of homesickness. One returned home early because of family illness, and another because of family issues. We have a few on probation because of alcohol or school problems. Three of them had serious Visa issues. Many had severe homesickness, it showed as depression and loneliness. We have the annual psycho hostmoms and controlling hostdads. We had a sexual harassment incident. Some of the kids were asked to move out of their hostfamilies houses. Some students have changed cities and schools. Many have travelled far from their hostfamily’s home on vacation. Students have won awards and been voted school royalty. Several wisdom teeth have painfully erupted. Of course, there aren’t any new tattoos or piercings.
I would say almost all of them are NOT experiencing the year as they imagined it. We try to tell them, former students try to share, but nothing sinks in. These kids are smart, they know everyfuckingthing. It’s nice to see them changing, becoming humble, and open to new experiences. They are resilient and maturing. At this point, many of them are starting to identify with their new countries, and would rather stay than return home.
No one has been arrested, maimed, pregnant, or kicked out of a country. Whoohoo!
